oswald’s scoop

14 08 2006

oswald_scoopsI have never been very big on conspiracy theories. Lee Harvey Oswald may have simply been a crack-pot & a lucky shot (complete with self-guided magic bullet) – we’ll never know.

My new finding, however, may make the Kennedy assassination look insignificant. You see, I bought a coffee scoop at Starbucks a few years ago. It was marked as being exactly a 2 tablespoon measuring scoop. I have used this same scoop for maybe 3 years, and it has never failed me. (OK, OK… it’s not gonna suffer any mechanical breakdown for the next 3,000 years – it’s a metal spoon, for crying out loud). A few weeks ago, I wanted to give my sister-in-law a batch of my home-roasted coffee. In order for Mary to be able to enjoy the coffee fully, I knew she would need a coffee grinder to grind the beans minutes before brewing. I found a nice blade grinder & picked it up. I also reflected on how nicely my Starbucks 2-Tablespoon scoop worked, so I decided to pass on the cheap-o scoop that was offered with the grinder, and would make a side-trip to Starbucks to buy Mary her own official 2-tablespoon coffee scoop – complete with the word “STARBUCKS” stamped on the handle (along with the words “2 TABLESPOONS”).

Starbucks had a whole batch of coffee scoops – on sale too! These scoops didn’t have mererly the straight shiny metal handle – no, these handles flared to a nice, ergonomic rubberized handle-tip. I immediately came down with a severe case of “I want one of THESE“. They were reduced in price sufficiently enough for me to buy two – one for Mary & one for me.

Mary received her freshly-roasted beans, coffee grinder and 2-tablespoon scoop. She raves about my coffee, and for this I am tickled. Mary has no idea that she was unknowingly dragged into a conspiracy of monumental proportions – for God’s sake – it’s freaking COFFEE!

two scoopsI found my new coffee scoop yesterday (it was hidden under other coffee junk since the day it came into my house) and thought that this would be a rite-of-passage – the old coffee scoop will finally get some well-deserved time off, and the new kid will have to get into the game. As I plunged the new scoop into the super-fresh coffee, it hit me like a ton of bricks – THIS SCOOP IS TOO SMALL TO HOLD 2 TABLESPOONS! I measured the capacity of the new scoop – it holds only 4 teaspoons (1.5 tablespoons). The old one measured exactly 2 tablespoons.

Those crafty bastards! They want me to make weak coffee at home so I will come to their store & pay $4.00 for a “proper” cup of coffee! This will all come out to the general public once the Warren Commission reconvenes. They will not get away with this – no sir!

My apologies, Mary – I didn’t know. I swear. Wait… there’s a knock on the door… oh no – it’s the Cubans… gotta run out the back door.

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3 responses

14 08 2006
Mary

Ah, a likely story. “Two scoops, then you’re off with the boys.” – Madeline Kahn, Young Frankenstein. Thanks for the scoop, if you’ll excuse the pun, Daveee. Will gang up on the coffee measurement. Your coffee is still the best I have ever tasted. And that is no conspiracy. – Mare

16 08 2006
Wendi

Hey, I want one of those spoons. Perfect for other measurements besides coffee!

16 08 2006
Wendi

By the way, I’d like to taste your coffee some time. I’m not an avid coffee drinker but I like the taste of it and enjoy Starbucks. With Mary’s endorsement I’m sure it’s awesome!

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